Open your Eyes and your Heart.

luvlykxtcy @ 2005-01-22T20:06:00

2005-01-23T01:09:31Z

I am addicted to myspace. It's so much better then those other stupid sites haha.

Add away.

http://profiles.myspace.com/users/12127701

<3 Katie

luvlykxtcy @ 2005-01-21T15:59:00

2005-01-21T21:03:36Z

What is everyone doing this weekend?

Leave me comments and tell me what you are doing.

If you want leave suggestions too on what I can do.

re-cap

2005-01-19T19:31:26Z

So this weekend was alright I guess. I really can't even remember what I did seriously. Umm but I do know me and melissa hung out with Lawrence who we haven't seen in forever!! We went to his house at midnight when he had to wake up early for work and well we stayed till like 2. Once we got outside though we realized melissa had a flat tire and that sucked so we called her friend Mark who lived 5 minutes away to come change it. I felt bad that we had kept Lawrence from getting sleep and plus his jack didn't fit Melissa's car anyways so he really couldn't of helped. Here are some pics.

Melissa and I

Melissa, Lawrence, and Me (eehhh)

Me and Lawrence :-)

Well that's about it I guess. I hope everyone had a good weekend. This weekend coming up hopefully me and melissa will go to excess. Any girls want to go?? Let me know. You're welcome to come! <3

I hope it doesn't snow. I don't care about missing school. It's stupid. It's nice when we have ONE day of snow and after that it's dirty, icy, cold, and you slip everywhere. It's stupid. I want it to be spring. I want to go somewhere spring break.

Leave Comments<3<3

??????

2005-01-14T14:08:40Z

yeah i messed up that last entry and i dont know how to delete it and fix it. sorry.

nothing to do today

2005-01-14T13:14:23Z

src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v616/katieisthebomb/allen1.jpg"> <3<3<3</p>

Oh Allen how I love your hottness.

Well i guess I should start doing hot guy of the day posts haha every post i'll put up a pic of a guy and ask how hot you think he is. haha Jk this is just a one time thing. Well second time thing but you know what i mean.

So yesterday...

I went to class got out at 11am
Went home and got ready for an interview I had at 130
Went to the interview things went well but I won't know till next week
Went to Target, but I'm taking back what I got
Went tanning....a hot guy was going in as i was..that was a plus hahaha i think i got kinda burnt it hurts slightly
Went home and did nothing but sleep like usual.

How exciting huh?

Someone needs to add some excitement to my day.

I'm not going to school today. Why? bc i never goes on fridays it seems like.

I'm just awake bc i slept all day and all night.

<3Katie

P.S here are some pics i took yesterday

luvlykxtcy @ 2005-01-12T12:11:00

2005-01-12T17:44:10Z

I need a job badly. If anyone knows anywhere hiring let me know.

I finally saw the sign for senior night. It's at the Hickory Ruitan Club? What the heck? I've never been ther before or anything but that just sounds bad and hickish. haha Anyways. What is everyone wearing?!?!?Please let me know.

I went tanning today finally. I swear I better get tan quick or I'm going to be very mad.

Anyone want to hang out soon? I'm getting bored. I'm bored all the time. I need ideas what to do.

I need to start to work out. I started tanning. Now I need to start eating better and working out so I can start to lose weight again. When I actually started to eat right in november for like a week i lost like 4 pounds in 5 days. Yeah sounds good to me. I just need to do it again. I want to lose like 20-30lbs..sounds like a lot but seriously its not when you're huge like me. I weigh a lot more then you think. I probably wont even look that much different if i did. I lose 10lbs here and there all the time and since im like 5'6 or 5'7 you cant tell as much when i lose weight and yeah the boobs and huge legs dont help either.

Well here are some pictures.

Isn't this guy really hot? I think he's beautiful, but maybe that's just me? haha

yep yep yep yep that's it for now

Leave Comments

<3Katie

luvlykxtcy @ 2005-01-11T14:27:00

2005-01-11T19:33:13Z

When is senior night? Where is it at? All that hoopla..

Do you have to pay?

It's only seniors and people from hickory right?

Someone let me know bc we can't hear announcements in my class so I never hear anything about anything!

Thanks<3

luvlykxtcy @ 2005-01-09T21:18:00

2005-01-10T02:31:21Z

Does anyone know anywhere hiring?

I need to find a job that gets paid between $6-7.

At least $7 would be nice though.

Anyone know anywhere?!?!

Leave me a comment pppppllllleeeaaasssseeee!!!

luvlykxtcy @ 2005-01-06T12:24:00

2005-01-06T17:44:04Z

This is how i want my hair once I get tan and lose weight.

like that but more red

I decided that I want to be a hobo. That is my plan. I am going to move to richmond and be a hobo. I picking up everything I have, which isn't anything at all...I am moving to richmond and I will find some random job there and I already have somewhere to live.

Rent=cleaning and cooking for a lonely (although awesome) young handsome gentleman and there will be no sex.

I love it. Sounds great to me.

Maybe if i get a job now that pays decent money. I can save up my money really quick to fix my car or do payments on my cousins car. Then yeah..sounds great. I'll save up to fix my car and pay off a few months on my cell phone and insurance put it all in my savings account and just move up there and try to live off what money I have for gas and food. YESSSSSSSS!

If worst comes to worst I'll just sleep on a bench. I've done it before at kings dominion hahaha.

It probably won't even happen but oh well it's something to think about and plan and get my hopes up so they can just get crushed and brought back down!!!!

luvlykxtcy @ 2005-01-05T22:04:00

2005-01-06T03:17:26Z

So I have a couple goals I want to get accomplished by March..and hopefully by May. I'm just taking a long time to get started on them

Get really tan.

Get a job.

Get my hair cut and colored completely differen then it's been before.

Save money to be able to go somewhere.

Get a car.

The thing is all of these things take money...or maybe a J O B!

luvlykxtcy @ 2005-01-02T20:32:00

2005-01-03T01:41:01Z

I swear to god the Extreme House Makeover show on ABC makes me cry EVERY SINGLE TIME I watch it!

2 deaf parents, a blind and autistic little boy and a 14 year old boy who is perfectly fine gets a brand new house...ok..here come the tears hahah.

luvlykxtcy @ 2005-01-01T14:26:00

2005-01-01T19:49:44Z

Well it's 2005.

This year will be better then others just because a lot will happen.

I'll turn 18. I'll graduate. Hopefully I'll get to travel and meet new people for once.

I'll get a tattoo. I'll get my monroe pierced or something else pierced.

There is Prom? Not like it will be the first one, but it will be better since it is mine hopefully. And then just also Senior stuff in general.

I'm gonna get my hair cut and get tan lol thats my goal haha and loose like 30lbs haha.

Here are pics from last night before Jon got here..he didn't get here till like 10 :( . But once he got here we just sat around and watched tv and he left around 2ish.

luvlykxtcy @ 2004-12-31T15:59:00

2004-12-31T21:24:47Z

Sorry I haven't posted lately. My "friend" Jon has been in town on his holiday break from school so I've been hanging out with him non-stop it seems like.

Everything is going good. It's fun hanging out with him. I mean he's a sweet guy and nice and we have fun and laugh together, but then again I can't get my feeling going to much because he's just going to leave on the 9th and I'm going to be alone once again.

So what am I getting out of this? Something to do for my christmas break? Someone to give me a sneak peak of something I can't have.

Oh well I guess I'll just do it all now and regret it later.

We went and saw the movie "Closer" last night. It seriously is my new favorite movie of all time. I am obsessed. It's just one of those movies that reminds me of sooo much that has happened in my life it's like too similar its weird.

I hate going to the movies or watching movies because it's like im psychic or something and I know exactly what's going to happen and it's just stupid and predictable and pointless to waste my time and money.

"Closer" was just so...unpredictable (to some extent) and you don't know what's going to happen in it. The previews don't give away the whole movie like most movies do nowadays.

I loved it.

I hope everyone has a good New Years. Be safe and have fun!

<3Katie

happy holidays

2004-12-25T16:34:31Z

Merry Christmas Everyone

I hope everyone has a safe and wonderful day

and that you get everything you asked for!

***Jon I can't wait to see you.<3 I wish I could of seen you today :'(***

luvlykxtcy @ 2004-12-24T00:47:00

2004-12-24T06:57:48Z

B L A N K stares are all I can really give.

S P E E C H L E S S, but still have words I need to get out.

Y O U ever feel that way?

I do K N O W things will get B E T T E R.

I am S T R O N G, but I am also W E A K .

It will take ----T I ME--- And I A M V E R Y impatient

I thank you for understanding and caring.

But sooner or later I'll be O K

B R E A K I N G out...new, fresh, and ready to start over

I'm gonna T R Y

Let's see how long this will last

Its V E R Y long prepare-i had pics to post but it won't let me-im so tired of everything.

2004-12-23T09:23:35Z

I've waited a long time for this
It feels right now
Allow me to introduce myself
I want you to come a little closer

I'd like you to get to know me a little bit better
Meet the real me

So here I go
No hype, no gloss, no pretense
Just me

//Stripped of all insecurties, worries, and fake smiles//

There is so much about me that no one knows.
Journals are meant to be private.
You're inner most thoughts.
It used to be that you didn't want anyone reading your journal.
If you found out that someone did, you felt betrayed and embarrassed.

But now.....

I want everyone to know. I don't know why I do. But oh well.
I feel stupid for saying that.
It is not a calling out for attention.
Maybe it's a calling out for acceptance?
I don't even know.
That seems to be my way of life now-a-days.
I do not even know.

-----I am lost and I don't even know if I can get found.-----

This is my second time around at this, the first one was really long
then my computer crashed...soo yeah it might not make sense.
I'm just going to type.

I feel as if I lie to myself all the time.
About what? I don't even know.
I can't even explain it.
I have no clue where to even begin.

I've gone to school with the same people for either 13 years
Almost or 6 or less.
I feel as if NO ONE really knows me.

I have one best friend.
Who I've been best friends with for 6 years straight.
We've never gotten in a fight and not talked.
We've never been friends one day and not the next.
Never.
And people I see everyday don't even know her.
Like shes imaginary or something (HA!)
No, No she's not.

I've tried to tell myself for years that I am more mature then everyone
That I am around everyday.
To a certain extent I am..but then again now I'm starting to realize
That I am a neive "invinsible teenager" that adults claim that
we are.

I have no clue.
I don't even know.

People say that I need to learn to accept myself
Love myself
Be happy with myself
Respect myself
Before I go and say that I need someone else
To make me happy.

I've always thought of myself as an independent person.
But not lately.
I've always been the type to be able to go to the bathroom without myself.
Ask for directions in the middle of no where.
Talk to a stranger.
Ask for help.
You get the point?

But now that I am by myself....yeah I do need someone.
I do need help.
I do need someone to be there with me and beside me.

I thought all my relationships sucked before.
I would get back in one as quick as hell in place of being alone.

Does everyone look at me as being
"Katie Stevens. The girl everyone knows, but isn't friends with."
?????????????????????????

Honestly, please come out and tell me what you THINK of me
from just what you see..because from what I know
It's not like any of you hear anything about me..or do you?

I'm nice to everyone. I say hi to the people I consider
Somewhat of a friend...but still.

Yeah.
I just don't know.

Am I asking for you to feel bad for me?
No.
Am I asking for attention?
No.
Am I asking for some kind of acceptance and understanding?
Yes.

I've never considered myself a hypocrite.
And no one has ever called me one that I can remember.
Or has told me to my face, but I feel like I am lying to myself.

I do think I am the best girl in the world.
All the nice things people do say about me..I do believe.

I know I'm nice and sweet and caring.
I know I have a nice smile.
I don't think I'm a too bad of a looking person.
I'm giving and thoughful.
Sincere and trustworthy.
I know that I am all of these things.

It's not like I hear bad things about myself all the time.
It's not like people get mad at me and come at me
With all these bad things they think about me.

I'm not depressed about my appearence (well i am to some extent but
that's not what im mainly talking about here.)

But there is just

SOMETHING

WRONG

and

I

CAN'T EVEN EXPLAIN IT!!!

I'm just feeling confined, like I'm being forced in
My vision's blurry and I'm lost in regrets.

Now is not the time for faith.
Or prayers.
I just think I need a miracle, along with everyone else
In the World.

I'm broken inside.
Where do I belong?

I can't find my place.
My mind is all over the place.

Most people would say why do YOU need a miracle?
I have everything materialistic and health wise I guess.
I have a family and all and I have a home and all of that.

But I just need a miracle...

For me to be H A P P Y .

I need so much.
And I have never been the needy type.

I have never been the girl who needs to see her boyfriend 24/7.
I am secure with myself. I am calm. I am understanding.

But now..i have been along too long..
I need someone there
ALL THE TIME.

I need someone.
Some thing.

I have never had a hobby in my life.

I have never reallllllly liked something or enjoyed something.

I get bored so easily.

I don't do anything.

I have NEVER known what I want to do when I get older.

For one time in my life, I don't hate school.
Why you wonder??
Because I know I am doing the right thing.
Something that I know 99% of people don't know about
and 99% of the people wouldn't even do.

I've never been good in school.
I've never been in honors classes.
I've never had straight A's.
Or honor roll all through High School.

There is something eating at me
that NO ONE I'm around everyday even knows.

Some people that I know that I'm close to know...
People that I know would understand..but yeah..

I have so much anxiety built up in me.
I really think I am depressed. Well I know I have to be
?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!

I don't know what will change this.

I am the most pestimistic person in the world.
I'm negative about everything, because I just believe there
is nothing to be happy or postitive about.
Beside being alive and being healthy and having more then others..
BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA!
That's all I hear.

I want to start over again.
I want a new life
I want to just get away.

Even though if I got away...It would just follow me.

It's all me.

It's all in my head.

What can I do?

And it's not going away anytime soon.

luvlykxtcy @ 2004-12-22T19:22:00

2004-12-23T01:30:26Z

I stop and think ---thinking is all i can do----

I sigh and just try to breathe ---even though it's so hard to do---

I close my eyes ---wishing i was somewhere else, anywhere else---

I rest my head in my hands ---wishing it could be on someones shoulder---

Why

A L W A Y S

d o t h i s t o m y s e l f?

And here's to a lonely holiday

once again

So close but never close enough

Awake once again

2004-12-22T09:50:53Z

He knows where just to find me. Here we go again...

I can tell he's going to ask me to dance, but its not as far as he wants to go.

Lead me not into temptation. Help me break this spell I am under.

It's 4:30 in the morning and here I am AWAKE and sitting here updating on my online journal haha. (Sorry if you read this jon as you can tell...I'm not in a sleep pattern YET). Here are some pics I took tonight and a couple from a while ago like one or two or something. Some kind of risque, but oh well I really don't care it's the same thing other girls wear, I just have boobs...sorry.

Chesnee has the red lips, I have the pink..what what? hahahaha just kiddin :-)

this one and all the ones above are from tonight the others are from another time.

Yeah sorry I know that's a lot of pics but I thought I'd post some that I have to be nice and share. I've loved hearing the lovely comments about how I need to stop posting pics of myself..sooo I thought it was time for more :-)

I want to go to church tomorrow night still so Alicia call me and let me know if you are still going. And Chesnee don't bail again ;-) jk jk..I'm down for it so yall let me know<3

<3Katie<3

luvlykxtcy @ 2004-12-21T19:08:00

2004-12-22T00:13:30Z

There is only one happiness in life,
to love and be loved.

And that is really the truth. I have been in relationships off and on since I was about 13. Some serious then others, but about 3 serious ones ranging from about 6 months-2 years. While I was in those relationships, I did think I was in love. Now when I look back on it, I really think I was just trying to make myself believe something was there, when it really wasn't. It's really weird but i feel like just everything was a huge joke or lie or something.

So now its the holiday season and well of course I have family and friends I can spend time with, but it's just not the same. My family loves me, of course they do, but they love me because well they just have to. It's like not like they are choosing to love me, they just do.

It's the time of the year I should be thankful for everything I do have. I'm supposed to be positive and be happy. I have a roof over my head, food in my stomach, clothes on my back, and I will be getting presents for christmas. I'll be spending the holidays with people that "love me". But really....I don't feel as if they truly do. They love me because they have to, they love me because well I'm their child or grandchild, neice or cousin. They love me because well they are family and they might dislike me or we might not get along but they still LOVE me.

I want someone to love me by choice. Someone to care about me and think about me the same way I think about them. I want to wake up in the morning for a reason and have something to look forward to or someone to see. I want to go to sleep at night knowing that I am truly happy.

I know people might comment and say, "You have sooo much more then other people do, especially this time of year." . I would give up EVERYTHING I do have, just to honestly and truly happy, with myself and with someone else who makes me happy.

Maybe I need to learn to make myself happy instead of saying I need another person to make me happy....but trust me, it would help out a lot.

I hope everyone has a good break. I'll still be updating during the break and all I thought I'd just put it out there.

What's everyones plans for new years? Anyone want to invite me? haha

<3Katie

P.S. Sorry for all the mistakes I didn't even read over it.
Oh and *JON* i can't wait to see you <3 <3

boring

2004-12-18T06:38:52Z

Bored.

Have my grandmas car till tuesday and now that i have a way to get places...everyone seems to be busy or not want to hang out.

Why does this always seem to happen? When I can't hang out everyone wants to and when I can everyone is busy.

Ughhhhh!

Anyone want to hang out? IM me Shuggamami on AIM

<3Katie

lazy

2004-12-16T19:28:47Z

My grandma is out of town in georgia for a week so i have her side of the house i can stay at. I have been sleeping on her couch for the past like month or more bc i live in the woods and in the winter time when its FREEZING outside mice like to get into our house and i saw one in my room and flipped...so yeah i sleep over there. They are everywhere even if its like spotless and nothing at all they just like to get in bc its warm in here..pretty sick if you ask me haha it freaks me out.

So yeah i got to sleep in her bed last night. It was like a Downy commerical. Nice fresh, clean, crisp, sheets...ahhh soo nice. Her big sleigh bed..so comfy. I actually went to sleep earlier then usual last night. Around midnight or so..and I still overslept lol. I guess it all caught up to me since ive only been getting about like an hour or two of sleep lately. So i set my alarm for 6am so i could get up take a shower and get all nice looking soi wouldnt have to do it when i got home from school later on...well i never even woke up till around 1230pm hahaha.

I went shopping yesterday with my mom and bought a jacket and shoes that match. They dont match exactly but close enough. Like if you put them RIGHT up on each other its not the same pattern but same idea.

Here are some pics. shoes

Do you ever have that feeling like god is punishing you or something? That sounds really bad..but i feel like that sometimes. I've always believed stuff happens for a reason. Most people do. But it's just the same things happening over and over again how do i learn from it? It's notthing to lean. its just the same crap over and over again. Meet someone they are great everything is fine then im just blindsided by a bunch of crap that doesn't even make any sense..Like why me? What did i do wrong? I don't know...but yeah....I mean people say why are relationships so hard? It's because being alone is even harder. Well that's the darn right truth. Last night I was supposed to go to church with Alicia and Chesnee and maybe Sarah Osborn...but it ended up just being me and alicia and we decided just to hold of till next week or something.

Happy Holidays Everyone! Next weekend is Christmas!

<3katie

don't feel good

2004-12-15T02:16:13Z

Today was an ok day at school I guess it went by fast. My mom picked me up from school and had to go to other places so that kind of made me mad bc I was just ready to go home! Ever feel like that? So finally once we got home I just really started to not feel good. AT ALL. I thought I was going to die. I took a shower for like 2 hours and like sat there and went to sleep lol it was crazy. I finally got the strength to get out and I went and passed out on the couch for a couple more hours and now I'm up and I still feel like crap. Now that it's getting close to christmas I'm thinking of all this other stuff I want/need and it's kind of too late to tell my mom. It seems like that ALWAYS HAPPENS! My grandma is going out of town for a week and I get to stay over at her side of the house. Which is cool because its like a whole another section of the house to myself with a door I can lock and a sepertate entrance haha it's like my own house for a week. Pretty cool I guess. She also said I can use her car to drive only to school and back. Which i will probably use for other stuff but the thing is it sucks gas majorly and she will notice when i have no more gas left that i went to more then school and what not so i don't know bc we all know i have NO MONEY to put gas back in there. Here are some pics I took.

back to school

2004-12-13T02:52:30Z

It seems like I've been out of school forever. Maybe bc I have? I always miss school when im not sick and then when i am it's like ooo I've missed too many days already. I'm not even keeping track though bc it's ALWAYS worked out through the years. I didn't go to school thursday or friday so I gave myself a 4 day pretty boring weekend I guess. Every weekend seems boring, it's weird. I need something to do lol Maybe a job again? Anyone have any ideas???

Well here are some pics I took.

Oh and does anyone know when Senior Night is? Is anyone going?

wide awake

2004-12-12T07:50:26Z

I'm stayin the night out tonight and im wide awake so i thought id go ahead and post. It sooo does not even feel like 2am right now. AT ALL. I went to my sisters engagement party tonight with melissa. Has anyone heard of one of these things? I mean I have, but I just think it's a waste of time and money. Hi my name is so and so this is my boyfriend and we are now engaged. It's between 4-8pm it's not even a set thing you just go to see that they are engaged and leave. You arent even expected to bring a present. I do not understand lol My mom was like, "You better come katie I don't care if you get there at 4pm and leave at 4:01pm you just have to be there" haha okkk.. I will do that mom thank you for approval, bc that is what happened haha. After all of that hoopla me and melissa went to the mall, best buy, and back to her house for a while. Then we went to go pick up Katie Tate and we had a little fun with some green hahahha andddd then thats prettty much about it. Here are some pics of my hair color by in 99% of my pics it looks dark brown and well its really not.

I have red, blonde, dark brown, light brown, all in it.

<3Katie

here are some pics now i know how to add them.

2004-12-11T07:35:55Z

there is one...this was taken a couple days ago when i was FIRST typing to freaking put them in here and i was doing it all wrong.

those two are from today :)

That's all the pics for now ill post more tomorrow or later. Soon I'll have more pics besides my webcam pics after christmas!!

This week has gone by fast. I haven't gone to school the past 2 days. Oh well 4 day weekend for me then huh? Today i hung out with this Marine guy from boston that I'm friends with and we watched gothika and went to sleep this afternoon from like 1pm-530pm haha it was funny. We just passed out on the couch upstairs and later my mom was like who the hell was the guy on the couch sleeping? haha I DONT KNOW?? Anyways. Me and melissa have decided we need to get a group of friends. I mean when she was in high school we hung out with people all the time but still when i look back it seems its always been just me and her doing our own thing which yes is fun and it keeps out a lot of drama..but its pretty boring haha. Really boring actually. So if anyone wants to hang out let me know. hahaha

<3 Katie

haha you like that huh those are my lips too haha :)